So close, yet still so far...

Sorry for the lack of updates lately! It's been a little hard getting used to the idea that my Boy pushed his "Return To NZ" date back by a whole 12 days.... It may not sound like much, but considering I was expecting him to return next Wednesday, but now it's still 3 weeks away, I'm sure you can sympathise with me!!

Anyway - 3 weeks today and he will be back! Ugh - I'm so over waiting.... This has been P.A.I.N.F.U.L. The hardest part? The thinking about it constantly. I wish I could flick a switch in my brain to turn off the anxiety.

I'm trying to keep busy with a whole bunch of random things coming up - watching Jackass 3D tomorrow night (and trying not to vomit), watching Les Miserables (Cameron Mackintosh's 25th anniversary stage show on the big screen at the Embassy!) on Wednesday, CIB Surveillance Night on Friday (but that's another story.... involving a jaunt around the Welly CBD and $40 worth of alcohol in a very short space of time...), my monthly hot stone massage on Sunday, and the following couple of weeks will include a haircut, a wax, some Summer Glow, a major spring clean of my bedroom and the fridge, and quite a bit of fidgeting as I continue counting down!!

What I'm really looking forward to....

Giving him his birthday present - a little belated..

Hugging him!

Making plans for a NY holiday next year..

Christmas in Sydney - not with him, but something I'm hugely looking forward to anyway because it will be all of my sisters together for Christmas for the first time in I don't know how long!

New Years with him!

Going for lazy walks down by the water and sitting in the sunshine (with my 85+ sunscreen) holding hands..

Bring in the same room as him, instead of on the other side of a computer screen!

I hope you're all looking forward to your Aussie summer, or your UK/NY winter - wherever you may be!

Thinking of you all! xxx

Happy Birthday Boy

Yep - it's his birthday today. Well, today NZ time. Tomorrow NY time! 48 hour birthday - lucky thing!

Unfortunately, he's found himself kind of homeless this week.. He had to move out of his flat today, and can't move into his new flat until the end of this week, and this was all very last minute, and none of his friends have spare beds right now, so he has checked himself into The Jane for tonight. What awesome hotels they have in NYC! This was where the survivors of the Titanic were housed after it sunk in 1912!

He has a Standard Cabin, and it is just hilarious. I just skyped him an hour ago from his room, and the bed is literally 4 feet long! I asked him how many steps he could take to cross the room. His reply? 1.64. The bathroom? Down the hall - bring your soap-on-a-rope.

So it's certainly no 5 stars, but at $99/night, and an awesome location in the West Village, he can't complain. In fact, he finds it hilarious - quite a novelty for his 35th birthday.

Wish I was over there with him to celebrate!!

Oh yeah, and what did I get him for his birthday? Something from this guy...!! I've got it here in NZ so he doesn't know what it is yet, but will find out in 4 weeks!

Funky Funkis

My sister used to have a pair of brown clogs in the mid-90's. I hated them. I thought they were the ugliest shoes I had ever seen. She loved them. She wore them to death.

Clogs are back. And yes, Rach, I told you I still hated them.

But guess what I bought today......

They are Funkis! I can't seem to find the website that originally brought them to my attention last week (it will come to me sometime soon and I will update this post **UPDATE - of course it was the delicious Frankie Magazine!!) but I haven't been able to stop thinking about them since.

Then on Friday, I got my email newsletter from Good As Gold - my favourite jeans store in town - and saw that they are the NZ stockist for Funkis. So I raced down there this morning, determined to see whether or not they would make my ankles look fat (a serious concern when it comes to shoe shopping). They don't!! Hooray!! $219NZD later and I am the proud owner of the most adorable summer shoes I've ever owned. I intend to wear them to death. I'm sure you'll agree they're not really clogs..... They're made from lovely untreated leather, with wooden soles made from Swedish plantation timber, and they are made in Sweden! They're a little awkward to walk in but I'm sure I'll get used to it. The leather is also quite a bit lighter than it is on the website but I'm told it will darken quite a bit over time.

Here they are on my pale little feet (size 37 in these babies! I've never been a size 37 - normally 38 or even 39..) - I fear the traditional breaking-in couple of days may be a little painful.. But as they say - no pain, no gain!

They also sell them in the most beautiful blue, black snakeskin, red, purple patent and purple suede. Love!

33 days, 15 hours, 29 minutes, 18 seconds

Pic: Le Love

What I love is that by the time I've finished writing this post, it will be even less than that!

Just thought I'd update you lovely ladies with how things are going. I skyped my Boy this afternoon and he's great! Our usual skype time is at the end of my work day - 5pm here is midnight in NYC. He is a bit of a night owl - his work day is 10am-8pm-ish, and he's not usually in bed before midnight. Unlike me - I'm asleep by 11pm most nights... Nanna, I know... So when we skype, I'm either still at work, hiding away in an empty office with my laptop, or I race home to catch him before he nods off. He's usually in bed, and our conversation consists of a fair bit of yawning on his part towards the end. He's amazing, staying up late to talk to me - I'm so glad I get to be the one who is wide awake. I tried the waiting up late thing once to skype him in his morning, and it sucked... On average, we skype about every 3 or 4 days, which is awesome.

I'm so jealous that his Dad is flying over to NYC next Friday to spend 12 days with him. I wish there was room in his suitcase to take me!! So all he is focused on right now is the fact that he has to be out of his current flat in Brooklyn this Sunday, and find a 2-bedroom flat to share with his Dad before his Dad arrives next weekend. And because he wants to stay in Brooklyn, he's struggling to find a suitable place (not too expensive..!) in a nice (not dodgy..!) area.. He's not freaking out just yet, but starting to get a little desperate.

So it's still looking like December 1st for his return - though this could possibly change to a little later - he will hopefully know for sure this week. If it is later, I'll deal with it, but it's such a nice feeling right now that he's just under 5 weeks away from being back here in NZ with me. It's obviously starting to get colder over there now, and much warmer over here - it was 18 degrees today!! Scorcher! He won't want to stay too much beyond the end of November because he hates the cold weather. So fingers crossed he'll be on the flight he's currently booked on.

I'm feeling really great about everything - especially for the fact that we've been able to keep this going all this time. It's nearly 4 months since he left, and though we've had some quite honest chats about how things have been going while we've been apart, we're both determined to pick up where we left off very soon. Although it's not over yet, I can honestly tell you girls this is the hardest thing I've ever done. I've wanted to be in a relationship with someone wonderful for such a long time (a looooooong time...!!). To have it finally arrive this year, and shortly afterwards have it - in a sense - taken away from me, I can't tell you what a struggle it has been. It almost feels like a test.

So Al - you say you want this? Really? Well let's see just how much you want it biatch! Let's play hard ball. You get 5 more months of singledom, and then see how much you really want it Sweetheart.. 

Well - I still want it! So much! I can't wait for the summer, and I can't wait to decide what to do next year. There's a pesky little creature whispering in my ear, suggesting I should decide to stay in NZ for the next few years, but my hunger for other things is just that bit stronger at the moment. 

Let's see shall we!

x

All good things come to an end..

Oh geez I just re-read my title for this post and realised what you guys might think before you read it... Don't worry - nothing has ended for me!! Things are still great - I have survived 15 and a half weeks so far - with 5 and half to go! COME ON December 1st!!


So yes - Eat Pray Love (thanks for posing the question Rach!) whilst being an ordinary film, reminds us that nothing lasts forever. Sigh... We have to enjoy the good things while they are good. But at the same time, I guess all bad things also come to an end. I'm still digesting this article I read on smh today - the question is "should marriages have an expiry date?". Are you kidding me?! Apparently ONE THIRD of Australian marriages end in divorce. I cannot get over that figure. It blows me away.

Being obviously unmarried, I have no personal experience, other than the marriages within my family.

My Dad's parents were married until my Grandad died in the late 70's or early 80's - so, a long time..

My Mum's parents were married until my Grandma passed away almost 2 years ago - 58 years.

My parents have been married almost 33 years.

My sister has been married almost 4 years.

Of my 4 sets of Aunts/Uncles, only one was divorced many, many years ago. The rest have been married a long, long time.

On the other hand, my Boy's parents split when he was 16. His Dad remarried very happily, his Mum hasn't. This is new for me. Even most of my best friends' parents are still married.

In my mind - if/when I get married someday - it will be forever. FOREVER. I don't ever want to experience the pain of divorce. Especially if there are children involved. It makes me so mad to think that anyone would go into a marriage, either firstly for the wrong reasons, or secondly to give up on it. ONE THIRD of all Aussie marriages end in divorce - more than 40% ending within the first 10 years. Is it just me, or do those numbers sound a little ridiculous? Why get married at all? To have a big wedding? To make it legal? I don't quite get it.

I realise there are so many reason surrounding this, and so many angles to view it in, and that's not what I want to get into. All I know is what I feel, and what I want.

Don't get me wrong. I would LOVE to get married! If I ever get asked, I know it will be for the right reasons, and when I say yes, I will be saying yes with all my heart, and I will be making a lifetime commitment to that man. That's what marriage is to me. Or that's what it has always been in the past... It just makes me sad to think how many people believe they are doing the right thing, and then having it fall apart. Call me a romantic...

Pic: Le Love

How to back off when you're running out of time..

Sarah Wilson's post from Monday this week was really interesting. The 'penny dropped' for her that as she could live to be well over 100, there was no need to rush her life.

Given I have, potentially, 90 years left to go, then WHAT’S THE BLOODY RUSH? Why not back off a little? Take my time. My God! Yes! I don’t have to achieve it all by 40. I’ll need to save some fun for when I’m 80. You can’t begin to understand what a load off my being this is. Or perhaps you can? Most of my pain and discord comes from rushing…and feeling time is slipping past me.

It drew an immediate reaction from me so I commented on her post:

Alison says:

This is a great thought but not so easy to put into practice. I look forward to reading about your choices Sarah! Longevity is one thing, but my problem is…. If only us girls were able to relax over our body clocks – this is something we actually can’t just “back off” from, unless we don’t actually want a family.
It’s the one and only reason why anxiety makes it’s evil way into my gut over being a 31 year old female with a promising career and a new boyfriend – and my fears are in the following order – on top, that my relationship will fall apart and I’ll be single again for the next 10 years and lose my chance at having a family (but at least I can pursue my career..) – and next in line, that I start a family soon and lose my chance at making some big steps in my career before it’s too late (but at least I have a family..). Aargh.. I know what’s meant to happen will happen, but I wish we didn’t have this time limit imposed on us.

October 11th, 2010 at 11:21

I checked back yesterday and I can't tell you what a great feeling it was to know that I'm not alone with my fears. Here are two other comments following on from mine..

Rosie Kalber says:

Oh my goodness… Alison you could be me!! I’m 31 and in exactly the same position. I am craving babies and marriage so badly, i’m frightened i’m not going to get them… and my fear is causing me to be negative and pressure my boyfriend, and who knows, I may even end up driving him away.
It’s so hard – the having children part, because we DO have a time limit. I would like to still be fit and active when my children are in their 20’s, you know?
What to do though… let go and accept that things will fall into place in their own time? But what if they don’t? *sigh* It’s so difficult really.
Rosie

October 11th, 2010 at 13:51

Selena says:

Thankyou Sarah for writing this today – I needed to hear this message! Today is my last day in my 20s – big 3-0 tomorrow – and I am characteristically reflective of the things that I have (and have not) achieved. I relate to what Alison and Rosie have shared. I had an age-specific deadline of becoming a mother by now but things haven’t exactly gone to plan. I have however achieved many ‘other’ things – I have numerous university degrees, have travelled the world and have held numerous management positions – the current of which keeps me very busy! Similar to you, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s earlier this year and I know my pace needs to change; I resonate with Mia’s term of ‘grave racing’! However, while I could possibly back the force off with some pursuits, I can not accept the possibility of not having the life I have always dreamed of, and fear that I am also running out of time to get there…

October 11th, 2010 at 17:53

I do want a family. Not right at this very minute, but sometime in the next 4 or 5 years would be awesome. But you just can't plan it, as there are far too many variables. How can we relax when each month that passes us by is another month closer to being too old to have a family? What's meant to happen will happen, but I can't help but feel anxious that it could slip through my fingers.. Us girls definitely have it harder than the boys!

The Jezabels

It's been a while since I've continued my tours of NYC, so here we go again, with an absolutely guaranteed opportunity for you to star-spot me - if I was in NYC in two weeks time, you would find me here!!

Cultural Tour - 2nd Stop : The Jezabels

I fell in love with this incredible Aussie group in February, when I downloaded the weekly iTunes free track, "Hurt Me". It became one of the songs that helped me get around my 7km Round The Bays run, and I've been a fan ever since. I just need to track down their Debut "The Man is Dead" - already having the single from that EP, "Disco Biscuit Love", plus their last EP "She's So Hard", and their new EP "Dark Storm". LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!

So I would give anything to be in NY to see them perform, and I can only hope they come back when I'm actually over there! I'm not quite as good as you are Katie at describing why I love a particular band so much, but I'll give it a go! I love the scale of each track - the songs are definitely not shrinking violets. They are at the complete opposite end of the spectrum - epic (I hate this word but it is all I can think of right now to come close to how grand this music can be). The lead singer, Hayley, takes her voice to stunning Kate Bush heights in each track, and you have to play these songs loud! The pianist in me likes to imagine that I could be Heather, and the awesome drums keep everything moving which is why Hurt Me was such a great running motivator.

Have you guys been to any of these places? Which would be your pick for a gig like this?

Thursday October 21 - NY - Bowery Ballroom 8pm
Thursday October 21 - Brooklyn, NY - Union Hall 1am
Friday October 22 - NY - Piano's Upstairs Lounge
Saturday October 23 - NY - Fat Baby