I love that this is a place where I can be completely honest. You gals are really the only ones who read my posts, with no judgements - it's awesome!
Ok - truth? I'm freaking out about the Boy's return in 5 days. FREAKING. OUT. (ps - Em - thankyou again!! xxx)
But not all the time.
When I am freaking out, I have butterflies in my stomach, I feel anxious, I feel insecure, and I feel sad. I feel nervous.
When I'm not freaking out, bizarrely - and believe me, I never thought this was how I would feel - I'm kind of indifferent. My indifferent moments are sweetened by the fact that I was promoted at work yesterday. I'm finally, officially, a producer! Well, a 'Post Producer' to be exact. You film chicks know what that means aye? So I'm very excited!! And with a massive workload coming up in the next couple of weeks before the Chrissie break, and pretty much the first half of next year, I have so much to keep me busy, it's sort of steered me into a headspace where I'm happy to be busy and 'single' and saving $$.
Well.. maybe not 100% happy. But surviving and smiling at least! I think I've kind of been preparing myself for the worst. For the possibility that he will come back to NZ and break up with me. Fearing that he has decided over the past 5 months that I'm not the one for him. Not that I've told him this.. Geez - way to exercise whatever the opposite of the law of attraction is Ali.. To him, I'm as positive as I can possibly be!
Anyway - 5 more days and I'm sure things will become much clearer to me. I don't want to spoil that magic airport moment that has occupied my daydreams for so long by lowering my expectations too much - I really still can't wait to see him again and hug him and laugh..
But I just don't know what is going to happen..
xx
Awe Ali! I feel for you! I really do! And I don't have any advise... only that I know someone like a therapist would say "stay curious, and just see how it goes. No judgment." Or maybe textbook romance's stance could help? I don't know. You probably have little time to think because CONGRATULATIONS!!! You are now a big-time producers at one of the most prestigious post houses in the world. It's an honor to know you, and I still really hope we get to work together in the future. Regardless, I know we'll be friends. Come to NewYork!!!
ReplyDeleteI will - I promise!!! So much to work out, but I don't want to rush it - I do want to stay curious and just enjoy it - not long to go now! Let's skype again soon - it was SO fantastic to finally 'meet' you! xx
ReplyDeleteCONGRATULATIONS Ali!!! WOW.
ReplyDeleteThat's huge news.
Totally understand being nervous about The Boy coming home. But I'll bet he's just as nervous as you are :) It might be awkward for a day or two while you get to know each other again but like Ally said, just hang in there and see. He sounds like he is worth the wait and you most definitely are :)
Good luck!!
xox
K
Well done. x.
ReplyDeleteYou know, Simon and I were in Saltzburg this weekend and saw some cute, but very small little trinkets/magnets. He said he thought I should buy one for you. Very little, not very much of anything - but for you.
I like that he said that. x.
I'm here. x.
I am assuming the Boy is here now...? I hope this has calmed the butterflies! I can relate with your feelings 100% - I think those cold feet are actually a self-defence mechanism: if things don't turn out as hoped, you didn't want it anyway... And all that guff. :o)
ReplyDeleteBut even if it doesn't work out (but I secretly think it will!), you have had a lot of happiness out of your relationship and that is what counts! You can take that as a barometer for the next great thing that is coming!
And congrats on the career jump!!! Promotions are wonderful!!! xo