How to back off when you're running out of time..

Sarah Wilson's post from Monday this week was really interesting. The 'penny dropped' for her that as she could live to be well over 100, there was no need to rush her life.

Given I have, potentially, 90 years left to go, then WHAT’S THE BLOODY RUSH? Why not back off a little? Take my time. My God! Yes! I don’t have to achieve it all by 40. I’ll need to save some fun for when I’m 80. You can’t begin to understand what a load off my being this is. Or perhaps you can? Most of my pain and discord comes from rushing…and feeling time is slipping past me.

It drew an immediate reaction from me so I commented on her post:

Alison says:

This is a great thought but not so easy to put into practice. I look forward to reading about your choices Sarah! Longevity is one thing, but my problem is…. If only us girls were able to relax over our body clocks – this is something we actually can’t just “back off” from, unless we don’t actually want a family.
It’s the one and only reason why anxiety makes it’s evil way into my gut over being a 31 year old female with a promising career and a new boyfriend – and my fears are in the following order – on top, that my relationship will fall apart and I’ll be single again for the next 10 years and lose my chance at having a family (but at least I can pursue my career..) – and next in line, that I start a family soon and lose my chance at making some big steps in my career before it’s too late (but at least I have a family..). Aargh.. I know what’s meant to happen will happen, but I wish we didn’t have this time limit imposed on us.

October 11th, 2010 at 11:21

I checked back yesterday and I can't tell you what a great feeling it was to know that I'm not alone with my fears. Here are two other comments following on from mine..

Rosie Kalber says:

Oh my goodness… Alison you could be me!! I’m 31 and in exactly the same position. I am craving babies and marriage so badly, i’m frightened i’m not going to get them… and my fear is causing me to be negative and pressure my boyfriend, and who knows, I may even end up driving him away.
It’s so hard – the having children part, because we DO have a time limit. I would like to still be fit and active when my children are in their 20’s, you know?
What to do though… let go and accept that things will fall into place in their own time? But what if they don’t? *sigh* It’s so difficult really.
Rosie

October 11th, 2010 at 13:51

Selena says:

Thankyou Sarah for writing this today – I needed to hear this message! Today is my last day in my 20s – big 3-0 tomorrow – and I am characteristically reflective of the things that I have (and have not) achieved. I relate to what Alison and Rosie have shared. I had an age-specific deadline of becoming a mother by now but things haven’t exactly gone to plan. I have however achieved many ‘other’ things – I have numerous university degrees, have travelled the world and have held numerous management positions – the current of which keeps me very busy! Similar to you, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s earlier this year and I know my pace needs to change; I resonate with Mia’s term of ‘grave racing’! However, while I could possibly back the force off with some pursuits, I can not accept the possibility of not having the life I have always dreamed of, and fear that I am also running out of time to get there…

October 11th, 2010 at 17:53

I do want a family. Not right at this very minute, but sometime in the next 4 or 5 years would be awesome. But you just can't plan it, as there are far too many variables. How can we relax when each month that passes us by is another month closer to being too old to have a family? What's meant to happen will happen, but I can't help but feel anxious that it could slip through my fingers.. Us girls definitely have it harder than the boys!